Swain Wodening’s Blog

Wherever there are people conflicts will arise, and if not handled in a proper fashion, they will escalate. Heathenry has seen its share of feuds, falling outs, and other conflicts. It need not be that way. There are peaceful ways to resolve almost any conflict. The first step in resolving a conflict is to set down and discuss the issues at hand. This is not always possible, especially if both parties are not agreeable to it, but if it can be done it should be. There can be no conflict resolution without it. Once the involved parties have agreed to talk they need to set a time and a place convenient to both. The place should be neutral ground, one which will not give any of the parties an advantage. It should be a place both parties feel safe in. The next step is to think about involving a neutral party as a referee to mediate between the two parties. Once a time and place and a neutral party has been set upon, it is time for the discussion to take place. There are a few ground rules for the discussion if the conflict resolution is to take place.

Once the parties have discussed and identified the problems that lead to the conflict and resolve around it, it is time to come up with possible solutions. Once several potential solutions have been come up with (which may not match the objective set out at the beginning of the discussion), it is time to negotiate. Negotiations should follow the same rules as the discussion. Be ready to compromise, and even to offer terms. Taking an unyielding stance will only lead to more conflict. Once a solution has been set, stick to it and keep to the terms of it. Do not think of ways that you can said the other party violated just to go back to the conflict. At the same time, make sure that you do not violate the terms.

Conflicts can be resolved in a peaceful, adult fashion in Heathenry. There is no reason folks have to resort to name calling, rumor mongering, and other things that only serve to damage Heathenry as a whole. If you want to learn more about conflict resolution, I suggest the following books: Barriers to Conflict Resolution by Kenneth Arrow, People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others & Resolve Conflicts by Robert Burton, Conflict: Resolution and Prevention by John Burton.

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One of the fastest ways to offend the land wights is to trash up their habitat. It is therefore vital that we do what we can to preserve the environment. This is especially important when one is doing rites with a fellowship or kindred gathering. Thankfully, it is not difficult to do rites green. It just takes a bit of forethought and planning, and can lead to a much more enjoyable rite.

Most of the trash generated from a gathering of Heathens is from the feast. Left over food, paper plates, styrofoam cups, plastic bottles, tin cans can amount to quite a bit of trash. One should always use reusable plates and glasses so as to have little trash left over. Yes, it means washing them, but this can be made a fellowship activity, and one can enjoy quite a bit of camaraderie doing it. If one must use disposable plates and cups, to minimize the impact of these things on the environment, one should acquire several trash cans for recycling. There should be one for paper, one for aluminum cans, and one for glass. Styrofoam should be avoided at all costs. Cloth napkins and table clothes should be used instead of paper. These can be washed and reused time and time again. For soda, buy two liters instead of smaller containers to minimize left over plastic bottles. Left over food should be gifted to the land wights by composting it. To minimize gas emissions, members should be encouraged to carpool or take public transportation to the event. These are just a few things folks can do to do rites green.

It takes a little more planning to do a green gathering, but the payoff is well worth it. There is less trash to deal with at the end of the event, and while there is more work in having to wash dishes, tablecloths, and napkins, these can be stored easily, and there is less trash to haul off. Often such as the case with aluminum cans these can be sold to a re-cycler to offset some of the cost of the gathering. Our religions respect the land wights, and one way to do this is to make sure their habitat stays green.

We often hear the phrase “the Heathen Community” implying that there is a community of all people that are Heathen. Is this really so?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “community” as:

a unified body of individuals: as a : state, commonwealth b : the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly : the area itself c : an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location d : a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society e : a group linked by a common policy f : a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests g : a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society

Greater Heathenry certainly does not fit most definitions of “community.” We are not a state or commonwealth. We do not live in a particular area. We are not in a particular area and we do not live together. We are not a body of nations. The only definition that broadly applies could be g. “a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society.” Even then one might argue our interests are not professional.

It is therefore difficult to argue that there is a greater Heathen community. One can argue that there are Heathen community. Heathens living in a particular area meet the definition after all. But then what are we to call greater Heathen if not “the Heathen community.” One can always say “Greater Heathenry” as it works well enough.

Still, there is an aching feeling that there is a greater Heathen community and that the definitions are somehow lacking. We all share a common interest, Heathen religion. Many of us, esp. old timers such as myself know each other and interact online and in person. Indeed, many Heathens interact online and in person. There is a sense of some sort of unity as a religion and culture. Even taking all of that in account we still do not meet the definitions of the word “community.” Another word that can be used is “society” which is defined as according to Merriam-Webster’s in part as ” a : an enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships through interaction with one another b : a community, nation, or broad grouping of people having common traditions, institutions, and collective activities and interests.” Even though Greater Heathenry meets this definition better, it simply does not seem right to use the phrase “Heathen society.” It implies a unity that is not there that community does not. Perhaps then we should just settle on using “Greater Heathenry” to define Heathenry as a whole. Or perhaps better still, say to Hell with the definitions.

Daily rites can enrich one’s experience of Heathenry. I pray to the Idesa (Disir) nearly every day, and make offerings to them twice a month. Still others have more complex daily rites, and these for them are very fulfilling. There are a variety of things one can do for daily rites, none of them overly difficult or time consuming. Daily rites need not be elaborate nor very complicated.

Many have a rite concerned with putting on their hammer of a morning. They say a prayer to Thunor (Thor) or the Gods and Goddesses in general and then put it on. This rite is not elaborate or very long. Most daily rites are not. Still others greet the Sun with a prayer of a morning, and the Moon at night. A good morning prayer is the prayer found in Sigdrifumál:

Hail to thee day! Hail, ye day’s sons!
Hail, night and daughter of night!
With blithe eyes look on both of us:
send to those sitting here speed!

Hail to you, Gods! Hail, Goddesses!
Hail, earth that givest to all!
Goodly spells and speech bespeak we from you,
and healing hands, in this life.
(Sigdrifumál, 2-3)

Saying “grace” at the dinner table may seem Christian, but indeed it is not. Many cultures thank their deities at their meals, and there is not reason Heathens cannot do so as well. Such a prayer can be very simple, something like: “We thank the Ése (Æsir) and Wen (Vanir) for this food, may their blessings be upon us.” Some may want more elaborate rites. One way to do this is to involve ritual actions and spicing things up a bit. For example, for morning prayers one may wish to burn incense and perhaps kneel facing north or east (depending on whether one is praying to the Gods or the rising Sun). One could also do meditation as a part of their prayers. One could pray and then once through praying meditate on what the prayer was about.

Daily rites are one way to interact more with the Gods, Goddesses, ancestors, and other wights. The rites need not be elaborate, and perhaps it is best if they are quite simple. Myself, I only do prayers to the Idesa (Disir) daily with little fanfare. But that is not to keep others from doing more elaborate things.

As many of you know I have Bipolar II. I was diagnosed four years ago, and have been on medication ever since. My life has changed dramatically in that time. I moved back to Missouri, got divorced, switched theods, changed jobs, and gradually became more stable. It took them six months to get on the right medication mix, and another two years to get the dosages right. Thankfully, I am now stable. When I first went in for treatment in 1991, it was for depression. I took medication for six months and did not see a psychiatrist for another fourteen years, not until my ex-wife demanded I do so as she felt I may be bipolar. I am indebted to Tee for that for the rest of my life as I never would have known. Thanks to her, I am now stable. What does stable mean? Well stable for me means I am no longer emotional. I no longer have the highs and lows I once did. Indeed, I show very little emotion at all. The only things I react emotional to are those your average person would, pride in my son doing well in school, love for him, irritation at work because something is not going right, joy at being praised for some of my work. But none of it is extreme as it once was. Being stable also means I am no longer hypersexual. My sex drive is now lower than that of your average person, and as I do not plan to be in a committed relationship I am quite happy with that. I lost my marriage due to being hyoersexual. Being stable has meant I can mend fences in the general Heathen community, hold down a full time job with a minimum of stress, and write to my heart’s content. It has meant I can be honest and logical.

Bipolar II is the milder form of the two bipolar disorders, but still can make one’s life a wreck. It is characterized by mood swings, cycling from hypomania to depression, from highs to lows. A person with bipolar II never reaches full blown mania like someone with bipolar I instead they have hypomanic phases. Hypomanic phases consists of extreme energy, euphoria, restlessness, and a feeling one can take on the world. Sometimes, the hypomanic phase can have agitation and irritability as well. The depressive phases are typical of depression, extreme sadness, often thoughts of suicide, and general low energy. People with Bipolar II also often have hypersexuality or increased sex drive. It can be controlled with medication, and once medicated a person with Bipolar II can lead a normal life.

I am not the only Heathen with mental health issues. I know of several. Most are usually quiet about it however. There is a good reason for that in that there is a stigma associated with mental illness. Folks with mental illnesses are treated differently. I know that I have been handled differently prior to my announcing I had been diagnosed than I have been since. Oddly enough prior to being diagnosed I was given more leeway, folks were more willing to accept my behavior. After diagnosis there was, I feel, a need for folks to hold me accountable, this despite the fact that now there was a known reason for my behavior. It defies logic, but that is how it has happened. Many do not want to hear about my illness, as if they want to pretend it does not exist. Others play the, “but a mental illness is no excuse” card pretending that behavior can somehow be controlled (and to an extant it can, but no matter how hard one tries, the mood swings of Bipolar II cannot be controlled without medication). Still others want to blame normal behavior they disagree with on the mental illness i.e. they feel I am Theodish because I am mentally ill, or I love someone because I am mentally ill. And many simply do not want to associate with someone that is mentally ill.

Heathens with mental health issues are likely to be disruptive of the communities they are a part of. I know up until two years ago, I was emotional, prone to erratic behavior, and well, unstable. I would react to nearly anything and everything with emotional outbursts. Because of this, Heathens with a mental illness are likely to be shunned. This despite the fact they probably need a community more than your average person. I do not disagree with shunning someone that is not seeking treatment. The Gods only help those that help themselves. But most mental illnesses can be treated with medication, while others such as some of the personality disorders can be cured with medication and therapy. I feel if a Heathen with mental illness goes through the work of getting better, and shows marked improvement, in essence becoming stable, then they should no longer be shunned. After all, it shows an effort on their part to be an honorable and thewful Heathen. I am not saying folks with mental illnesses should not be held responsible, but that there should be an understanding that they have an illness which without medication is beyond their control, and that their responsibility is to stay on medication and in treatment, not to cater to the whims of a community that sometimes does not understand. Once a Heathen has been through treatment and on medication there is always time to pay scyld later. Due to the stigma of mental illness I have seen healthy individuals get away with certain behaviors, while someone that is known to be mentally ill that does the same exact thing is held accountable. Excuse my French, but this is ass backwards.

When dealing with someone that is mentally ill there should always be a plan with the aim of not only taking care of the problem, but also with the aim of making them healthy. When shunning someone that is mentally ill it should be made clear why they are being shunned. They should be told what they have done, and how what they have done has affected the community. Then they should be made an offer, seek treatment, and when you are better, you will be allowed to rejoin the community. If after treatment, the behavior resumes at some point then they the shunning should begin again. It has been my experience that most problem individuals are those that have never sought treatment. Those that have, turn out to be persons that add much to the community and are an asset to it. Often, persons with my illness for example are brighter and more talented than the average person. A few famous people with bipolar disorder are Dick Cavett, Kurt Cobain, Ray Davies, Mel Gibson, Margot Kidder, Florence Nightingale, Emil Post, Axl Rose, and Jean-Claude Van Damme to name a few. Even Albert Einstein suffered a mental illness. So shunning someone that is mentally ill for life probably is not in the best interest of the community. It is in the best interest of the community to make sure they seek and get treatment that leads them to a stable life.

It is not an easy road. My illness cost me friends, cost me my marriage, and I now only see my son once or twice a year. It cost me my name in the general Heathen community. There are circles in which I am not welcome. But I am now more stable than I ever have been in my life, and I am trying to pay scyld for wrongs I have done over the years. Other mentally ill Heathens have similar experiences. If you know someone you suspect is mentally ill, encourage them to seek treatment, and to keep with it until they know what is wrong. It took fifteen years for me to be correctly diagnosed, another two years to get on the right dosage of medication so I could lead a stable life. By no means should someone with a mental illness be ignored. You would be surprised at some of the “big name” Heathens that have contributed much to the general Heathen community have mental illnesses. Persons with mental illnesses if treated can be productive individuals that are an asset to Heathenry. There is a Yahoo Group for mentally ill Heathens. It is only for those that are care givers or are mentally ill. It is not an active group but is there for when folks need it. The address is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/heathenmentalhealth/